Adorkable Musings

There was an ad campaign a few years ago where people were telling their younger selves that life does get better.  This is very true; however, I want to add to that.  To my younger self, I would say do all of the things.  Push forward and keep moving.  All of the things that I thought were impossible were very much possible. By now, I have mentioned my struggles with anxiety and depression. I looked back over my life and all the dreams I thought were so big.  Only now do I realize that they weren’t big enough.

I used to daydream about going to the University of Glasgow.  I read a lot of romance novels, like seriously, A LOT.   A lot of them took place in Scotland.  So, I imagined I would have my moment in Europe figuring out life.  I let myself talk myself out of it.  I dreamed big, but I could have done better with the follow-through.   

My first taste of “I can actually do this” was when I went back to school.  I was taking French as my language requirement when I had the opportunity to study in France for a month.  It gave me the boost that I needed in my head to say I can do this.  Things slowly started to change.  I found myself saying, what’s the worst they can say? No? Sometimes I got the no answer, but I had prepared myself for it.  It made visualizing the things I wanted to do a lot easier.  I started to get better at going after the things I wanted.

My problem now is looking back at what I could have done serves no purpose.  The past is the past for a reason.  Thinking I wish I did this, or that.  I should have gone here and told this person how I feel.  It does nothing but keep you tied down.  Currently, I am looking for new adventures.  I want to learn to swim and to play the guitar. Make new dreams that are even bigger than I imagined.