Adorkable Musings

One of my issues with anxiety and depression is the inability to do things.  I know that’s a broad term, but I feel I allowed myself to be held back. Social anxiety would not let me do things by myself.  I would not go if other people didn’t want to go.  I have let many experiences pass me by because I was afraid to go alone.  Or I wouldn’t try new recipes because no one would eat them.  Don’t get me started with clothes and hair.

This is why I will always talk about the therapy I am in.  I don’t feel that weight on my shoulders when I start planning things.  The way I feel when I go and accomplish it on my own.  The joy of it helps me to go on to the next thing.  I have so many plans for this year.  I feel like I am seeing the world anew.  Part of this is understanding that some things are out of my control and that it is okay.  I am working hard to make sure that I do not freak out.  That is something that I still have an issue with.  I can be prepared for option A or option B.  However, if option C is happening, my mind shuts down, and the anxiety takes over.

Recently, I did a big thing.  I booked a trip out of the US for me: just me, no family, no friends.  I am nervous but so very excited.  I am going to talk about it throughout the year.  LOL.  I have already told my friends to prepare to be sick of me.  This is the main thing I will talk about for a while.  Today, I put a timer app onto my phone to count the days.  I have about 400 days.  Where am I going?  Japan!!!  I have talked about Japan since I was in high school. I was going to go in 2021, but the world had a different idea.

I am not sure the next time I will be able to go to Japan so that I will do as much as possible while there.  The excitement is helping this year to speed by.  I can’t wait to bring you all along!